


Unsaid Things

by Ec123



Category: Endeavour (TV)
Genre: 2nd chances, F/M, Misunderstandings, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 22:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12285768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ec123/pseuds/Ec123
Summary: After season four, Joan comes home.





	Unsaid Things

Joan Thursday has come home. 

 

It has only been a week since he last saw her. He had visited her again in the hospital. The nurse made the same assumptions as to who he was and he didn’t correct it.

She was awake this time and seemed almost in a state of shock. She hadn’t spoken to him; just nodded. 

He had sat beside her and she reached for his hand. Her face was drawn like everything hurt. He didn’t know what to say and had just stared at her, bewildered. She winced and turned her head to the wall still gripping to his hand. 

They had sat for a while like that until he had to get back to work. He had told her that he had to go but would come back and she nodded again and squeezed his hand while looking up at him with pleading eyes. He knew her question and he shook his head; he would not tell her father or mother. 

He had intended to go back sooner, but couldn’t get away until the next morning. When he had gone back, he had learned she had been discharged.

His heart hurt to think of her somewhere on her own; that she didn’t or couldn’t wait for him to return. It was a relief when Fred mentioned to him that Joan had come home and was safe. Fred didn’t act upset or anything other than relieved, so Morse supposed that Joan hadn’t told them of the baby, the hospital, or the black eye. 

Morse had nodded and was inwardly eager to see her again. The first morning afterwards that he had arrived to pick up Thursday, he nervously rang the bell at the door wondering if she would be there to greet him like before. He was sweating even though it was a chilly November and his heart was pounding as he rang the bell. 

Mrs. Thursday had answered, her face radiant and beaming. She had shown him in as always and told him Joan was home now. He had asked how she was and Mrs. Thursday had replied that Joan was fine, just tired. 

He had waited in the empty dining room while Mrs. Thursday hummed in the kitchen and appeared to be making a tray to take upstairs to Joan. Thursday had come down with light back in his eyes and looking less worried and younger than he had since she had left. Mrs. Thursday had seen them off and went upstairs with the tray. 

The next morning was the same. 

The third morning she was sitting in the dining room looking at breakfast as Mrs. Thursday showed him in. He was not prepared for how pale and thin she looked. 

She gave a slight smile as he came into the room. “Morse” she nodded in greeting. “Miss Thursday” he said back. The same old familiar routine they had been dancing around for all of 3 years now.

“How are you?” he asked, true concern flooding his face. He was overcome with the urge to gather her in his arms and just hold her. 

Joan shrugged, “better”. Her eyes lingered on his; the girl so full of life and fun now seemed wilted and crushed. 

Mrs. Thursday had stayed in the kitchen perhaps sensing that she needed to give them both a moment. He didn’t know what to say. What could he say? She had always had an effect on him rendering him tongue tied ; that now coupled with so much unsaid between them, her parents within earshot …..the silence was awkward and deafening.

He wondered if Win and Fred saw the changes in her-not just the thinness but the now quietness that had overtaken her. He wondered if she had told them. Fred came down, kissed Joan and Win, and Morse said goodbye and they left. He tried to catch her eye and give her a smile before heading out the door. She had smiled back. 

He didn’t ask, but Fred just blurted out things about Joan. Just simple updates- she was fine just tired, she needed rest and to eat and she’d be back to herself. Morse always nodded; never knowing what to say to these reports, never knowing what Fred intended by them.

The mornings were the same when he saw her. He didn’t want to push her; she seemed frail and besides what could they say to one another that mattered within earshot of everyone in the house? 

He had learned from Fred’s updates that Joan had gotten a job at one of the hotels cleaning. Fred had fussed about it; Joan was a bright girl he said, a whiz at Math, she could do better, but Morse had understood.

He himself had wanted to hide away before, after the incident in prison, after breaking with Susan. He understood the need to just hide, to avoid the people you once knew, to keep busy in mindless tiresome things to keep yourself from going mad, to give yourself a break from what you had before. 

He wanted so much to take it all away from her. With her shifts she wasn’t always there in the mornings when he arrived. He didn’t see her regularly. Fred continued with his updates.

Morse was torn between wanting to know and trying to give Joan the space she needed. He took to walking by the hotel where she worked to try and catch a glimpse of her going or coming, but he never saw her. Eventually he learned, by way of Fred, that she was moving out to her own flat with a girlfriend. 

Her parents seemed fine with that. His heart felt sunk. He didn’t know why Fred kept sharing little snippets of information; maybe he needed to talk about it or he wanted to prompt Morse to act. Perhaps he sensed that there was something between them-friendship and something more. But, Morse didn’t know what to do; he didn’t even know where she was living now or what times she was working. He didn’t feel he could ask; in the past Fred was quick to tell him anything concerning Joan wasn't his place; she wasn’t letting him know. He didn’t know to go to her or ask her out with him to talk or what so he had just done nothing for the past 2 months.

She had given no indication that she wanted to see him or was strong enough to handle talking about the past few months or the future. 

He had barely seen her.

In a way, it was almost worse than when she had left.

He tried to be happy that she was safe, her parents were reunited with her, and that she was not in any bad situations. 

Morse made a determination to try and put her out of his mind. It was easier said than done. The more he tried not to think of her, the more she crept into his thoughts. He had never been good at stilling his mind.

He was glad for work. He could lose himself in the details of a case and forget for a while. In the evenings, drink helped to drive her out of his thoughts, but nothing could stop her from invading his dreams after he had fallen asleep. She came to him in convoluted dreams and he found his desire and love for her was even greater.

 

__________________________________________________________________________________  
On a cold Saturday late morning in Dec. he was sitting in his flat as he often did, papers strewn about, drinking, listening to Wagner, reviewing details of a case in his mind, trying to forget everything else, when he heard the gate at the top of the stairs open and then close. 

A bit early for the post, he thought vaguely. 

He closed his eyes and waited for the sound of mail falling into the basket when instead there was a knock on the door.  
Curious, yet his mind still fuzzy with liquor, Morse opened the door. 

She was turned as if she were about to go back up the stairs when he had opened the door and she turned around. 

She breathed out a sigh along with an almost shy, “hello”. 

He had squinted, then feeling the cold air blowing in the dead leaves, he regained some of his senses.  
“Come…..in” he said as he stumbled over his words. 

“Thank you,” Joan said, moving past him to enter the room. 

He felt he was moving in a dream as he shut the door and turned to look at her. He blinked several times as he suddenly thought how he must seem to her now(slightly drunk and pathetic) and remembering the last time she was here. 

“Hello” Joan said again, “I’m sorry for just showing up……I needed......to see you.”

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak yet. 

“This is for you”, she was holding something in her hand. 

He blinked again and realized it was an envelope. Curious, he took it and quickly pulling back the flap, saw that it was the amount of money he had lent to her. 

“Oh” he managed and quickly shook his head, “You didn’t have to…..” He felt a pain in his heart; that’s why she was here- to return the money. 

“I wanted to; I …..I would have returned it sooner…..I have money saved from …the bank......from before…..I just didn’t want to go back there....to get it...” she shook her head as she faltered with her words. 

“It’s alright; you really didn’t have to repay anything” Morse just looked at her, again overcome with the feeling to just take her in his arms. 

“It’s not only the money, Morse. We never talked afterwards…at the hospital……….I wanted to……I was so confused……I needed......I wanted.... to see you.” She was fiddling with her gloves as she talked.

He nodded; feeling himself becoming a little more sober minded. He thought about offering her a drink, but decided to ask if she wanted tea instead. 

She nodded and he motioned for her to sit while he busied himself in putting a brew on. The edge of drunkenness was wearing off; the hints of reality were pressing in on him. He snuck glances at her while he fixed her cup. 

She was still thin, but not as thin and frail as those first days he had seen her back at home.  
Her eyes were sad; not carrying the sparkle and zest that she used to possess.  
He sat with her and asked her sincerely what he really needed to know, “how are you doing? Really?” 

Joan sighed and managed a slight little smile but her pain still showed “It comes and goes; good days….some not so good”. 

“I came back, you know” he said gently, “to the hospital ….you had already been discharged.” It wasn’t meant to be a question; but it feels that way. 

He hears her breathing and she nods. Her blue eyes are opened widely and glassy as if she might cry.

She is blinking now to hold back tears.

“You know Morse, I didn’t want it……. And then after it happened I did…..I wanted it so much…..and then it was gone” Joan seemed unable to name it for what it was. 

Her tears become reality and he moved without thinking this time taking her in his arms and holding her tight.

He had done this so many times with hurting people-victims, suspects even, but now it was the girl he loved so dearly. The last time he was ever this close to her was at the bank on that terrible day.

She buried her face in his chest and cried. He held her tightly and was vaguely aware of the front of his shirt becoming warm and wet with her tears. Morse bent his face down into her hair; she smelled like lavender and vanilla.

They stood that way for how long? A few minutes, hours? Time felt like it was standing still. 

Her crying subsided and they just stood together holding on to one another. 

Joan lifted her face to look at him. “I love you, Morse” she whispered. 

His heart was beating wildly; what was there left to tell her but the truth. “I……I love you too, Miss Thursday.” He said plainly. 

They stood together a few more minutes and then Joan broke away. She held his hand and looked pleadingly at him, “I just need some time…to feel more …like myself.” 

Morse gulped and nodded “I still would like to see you, Miss Thursday; just….to …..see you.” 

Joan nodded and gave him a small smile, “I’d like to just see you too, Morse.” 

She had to leave to start her shift at the hotel. Before she left she had given him a gentle, soft as a whisper kiss, and then she was gone. 

The lavender scent hung in the air in his small flat. For the first time in weeks, he did not drink himself to sleep that night to forget.


End file.
